Often, our homes become smaller when we separate, but the most important thing for children is that they feel at home and welcome. Whether the separation is happening now or has been some time, creating a feeling of "home" makes it easier for children to settle. Here are some tips on how to create a home where your child feels comfortable and can relax.
In addition to providing emotional support, it is beneficial to involve your child in the moving process. Viewing apartments or houses together helps prepare and include them. However, children often struggle to understand that their own furniture and belongings can move to a new home. While adults see potential for renovation and decorating, children often see a home as fixed and complete.
Children need explanations and guidance on how the new home will become their own. If you feel sad about the move and find the new home lacking, it might be better to wait before introducing the child to the new home until you have adjusted and made it more welcoming.
Children notice if you’ve considered them. This could be as simple as placing their pillow on the bed or their placemat at the table. Buying their favorite breakfast items, having their own pillow, a box of toys, and their own chair at the dining table all contribute to creating a sense of home. Maybe the child has a special stuffed animal that always stays at one parent's house and is properly greeted every visit.
Keeping things consistent when the child returns is also beneficial. Your child may need to share a room with you or a sibling, which can be positive and cozy up until the teenage years. Most children in Sweden sleep with their parents at least sometimes or part of the night until school age. If the child is troubled by not having privacy when sleeping, you can create separation with a curtain, shelf, or screen.
A sense of home doesn’t have to come from having a separate bed or room; it can be a personal corner, a cozy nook, or a drawer that only they can open.
With less space, we need to furnish based on how we actually use the home rather than how it “should” be. It’s common for everyone to gather in one spot while some rooms remain unused, no matter how small the living space. If siblings are sharing a room, creating an extra play area in the living room allows one child to have friends over while the other plays in the living room.
Involve the children in the decorating process and how the rooms will be used. What do they find cozy and nice? Maybe you can invest a little extra in their room to make the move more positive.
For older school children and teenagers, it can be difficult not to have their own room. It can be particularly challenging if they have to share a room with siblings or step-siblings they’re not comfortable with. In such cases, it’s important to create a private space, possibly by partitioning the room with bookshelves, a curtain, or a screen. If it’s noisy, consider getting a pair of high-quality headphones.
When one of the family’s children lives with you full-time and another stays part-time, it’s crucial that the child who comes and goes feels just as much at home, even if they are not there all the time.
For older children, moving to a smaller home can feel like a loss of prestige. Material things can be significant for those developing their own identity. Such an attitude can be provocative, especially if they didn’t choose to move. To alleviate this feeling, it’s important to understand what the sense of loss is about. Is the child embarrassed in front of others, or is it the feeling of loss that weighs them down? Sharing feelings can make them easier to handle.
Malin Bergström Child Psychologist, Associate Professor & Author
8 August 2024
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