When life is tough, it’s especially important for us as parents to gather ourselves amidst all the difficulties and give our children hope. By conveying hope, we show our children that we are taking responsibility and not leaving them alone.
As parents, we need to find a way through the crisis that a divorce can bring. We must allow ourselves to process our grief so that it doesn’t remain an unhealed wound inside us. At the same time, we need to stay strong so that we can handle our parenting duties and manage all the practical aspects that come with separation. Our space to grieve is not infinite, because as parents, we have a very important life task – one that cannot be put on hold. We need to give our children hope that things will get better.
It’s fascinating how most of us manage this balancing act! As a child psychologist, I’ve met parents who, amidst the debris of infidelity, threats, and betrayal, come together to make agreements on how to take care of their children. Many say that it’s the children who keep them going. Their needs awaken our drive to survive. In psychological terms, this drive is called resilience, the ability to endure in difficult situations. For the sake of our children, we need to get up in the morning and make dinner in the evening. For their sake, we need to fight to find hope within ourselves. It’s crucial for our children that we convey hope, showing that we can overcome difficulties together. Our children need to feel that we, as parents, can see how they are doing and care about their well-being.
Malin Bergström Child Psychologist, Associate Professor & Author
8 August 2024
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