For many children in Sweden, shared custody is the norm when parents are divorced. However, some children spend more time with one parent and see their other parent a bit less. Researchers have been trying to understand how different living arrangements affect children's well-being. In this article, we share what they've discovered.
Living equally with both parents, known as alternate living, is the arrangement that most children seem to benefit from the most. This is because it allows children to share their entire lives with both parents—from everyday activities like soccer practice, homework, and Friday night movie nights, to special occasions like birthdays, Christmas, and other fun events.
Forty years ago, nearly all children lived exclusively with their mothers after a divorce, and fathers typically only saw their children every other weekend. For children, this often meant they "lost" their dad when their parents split up, which was rarely beneficial. When children have caring and responsible parents, it’s important for them to have both parents actively involved in their lives as much as possible. It’s great that today, children often have more frequent contact with both parents, even if it’s not an exact 50/50 split.
However, there are times when children might do better living primarily with one parent and seeing their other parent in different ways. This could be due to a parent living far away or struggling with personal challenges that make it hard for them to care for their child. In such cases, it's good that there are other adults who can step in to ensure the child is well taken care of.
Sure, living in two places can be tricky at times, like when your favorite toy is at Dad's house while you're at Mom's. But most kids still prefer moving their stuff around over seeing one parent less often.
Researchers have found that it’s important for children that the adults in their lives can cooperate reasonably well when it comes to parenting and that they support each other without major conflicts. It’s also crucial that the living arrangement is stable and doesn’t change too frequently. This way, both children and parents can get into a good rhythm where everyone knows what to expect. If changes to the living situation are necessary, it’s important to give the new arrangement some time to settle in.
It’s important to understand that research on children’s needs and experiences is conducted at a group level. This means that while most children benefit from shared custody, there are also those who can’t or don’t want to live in two homes. Every child is unique, just like adults, and some children may not feel comfortable living in two places.
It’s important that you, as a child, feel comfortable talking to your parents if your current living situation isn’t working well for you. Maybe you’d like to start living equally with both parents? Or perhaps you’d prefer to spend a little more time with one parent, like staying with one from Thursday to Sunday?
In these conversations, it’s essential that your parents are open to your suggestions and listen to your thoughts. They might not always be able or willing to do exactly what you want (due to work or other circumstances), but it’s important that they truly listen to you, understand how you feel, and allow you to express your opinions.
We hope you find the above article about what researchers have to say helpful! If you have any questions or thoughts, feel free to email our team at hello@varannanvecka.app. ❤️
Elisabeth Scholander Family Law Attorney and Mediator, Specialized in Conflict Resolution for Families
8 August 2024
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