Transitions and changes can be challenging for both children and adults. You can support your child in navigating the challenges of living in two homes, both practically and emotionally. Here are some tips on what you can do to make these transitions smoother.
Communication within the parenting team is crucial for understanding your child's reactions. Work together to determine what your child needs. What can you try if your child is upset? Do they need to be prepared for the move? How will you handle contact with the non-resident parent? Avoid making your child the messenger. If you have something to say, say it yourself.
Tip! Consolidate all written communication in the app's chat feature. Organized threads by topic make it easier to keep track of who said what and when. This avoids endless scrolling through long text threads about various topics, saving time and reducing frustration. When you meet, you can focus on discussing the fun things happening with your children instead of time-consuming logistics!
Often, we see different sides of our child. One parent might think the child seems stressed, while the other believes everything is fine. These differing views can stem from our own parenting styles and the different sides of the child we each see. Try to avoid polarization. Trust can grow if both parents engage in easing transitions.
Tip! Share details about your week and how you support your child. Sending an unsolicited picture from the child’s week to the co-parent can be a great way to share your child's daily life and bridge different perspectives. The Pictures & Notes tool in the app makes this easy. Plus, all the child's photos are kept in one place.
It can be very helpful for the child if the parents assist with packing clothes and belongings. Helping with carrying bags to the bus or school is usually appreciated, as well as extra encouragement when the child handles transition-related tasks. Avoid blame and reproach.
Tip! Use the Packing List tool in the app! When you and your child pack together, check off each item. The co-parent can then see what has been packed without needing reminders or double-checking. It's also reassuring for everyone to have a written checklist of what’s been packed, and fun for younger children to "check off" each item, especially if they don’t have their own phone yet.
When children react emotionally, having a warm, supportive environment can help them through the change. Some children need a lot of closeness to settle in, and cozy routines for the first evening can help. Perhaps you pick them up from school or an activity and cook their favorite dinner every Monday night when they arrive. It might be wise to schedule activities and social gatherings later in the week, allowing you to reconnect first. Moving on Fridays might be easier than early in the week, giving you time to settle before the weekday routine starts again.
Children might also be withdrawn and need time to settle before they engage with a parent after a transition. They might want to lie on their bed with the door closed, playing games or chatting with friends, which can be frustrating when you’ve been looking forward to seeing them. Respect your child's need for space while continuing to offer closeness and attention. They might open up at dinner. Some children keep their "other life" separate and don’t share much about what happens at the other parent's home. In these situations, maintaining positive contact with the co-parent to check in on how the child is doing is especially valuable.
If a child repeatedly expresses to parents or others (at school or to friends) that they do not want to move or stay with one parent, this must be taken seriously. Likewise, if a child becomes consistently unruly or upset, it may indicate they are unhappy with their living situation. Children often express their distress broadly, not just in relation to the move itself. If a child feels the relationship with a parent is problematic over a long period, that parent must change their approach or the living arrangement must be altered.
Malin Bergström Child Psychologist, Associate Professor & Author
6 augusti 2024
"The turning point came when we found the Every Other Week app. There's less fuss and both of us have a better handle on things. It feels so great!”
"Thank you so much for this app, it has finally gotten us to communicate!”
