It might feel awkward to discuss this topic together, but agreeing on a message can be wise since it ensures mutual support externally (even if you feel deeply betrayed inside. That’s okay). Below are tips for simple and clear communication to reassure your children and yourselves.
Consider sending an email to those you want to inform. This allows you to carefully choose your words so that both of you feel comfortable with the message.
Send an email to the responsible teacher to let them know that you, as parents, are separating. Explain what this means for your child in terms of living arrangements and time spent with each parent (a schedule with days and times). Keep the email short and only include essential facts. If your child has specific needs at this time, mention them briefly.
Include both of your phone numbers and email addresses in case the school has any questions or concerns.
If both parents have custody, it is crucial for the child that each parent now takes responsibility for staying informed about school matters. Having your own login to school platforms like Schoolsoft and checking them weekly is very important. Make yourself visible to the school and be sure to respond if the teacher calls or emails. Otherwise, you risk falling behind and not being involved in your child’s education, especially if you live in a different area.
How much you share and with whom is, of course, up to each individual. However, it can be beneficial to agree on a common message to share with your wider circle. By doing this, you set the tone for how others will treat both you and your children moving forward, providing important support for your kids.
It’s helpful to explain how daily life will look for your children and you, and that you, as custodial parents, have a plan. Ideally, this should be done together, but if not possible, then on your own.
If needed, be clear that you do not tolerate any negative talk about the other parent, especially in front of the child. If you need to vent your experiences, choose someone you trust who won’t spread the information further.
Note: Prepare the emails to those you need to inform, but talk to your child first before sending out the emails to others.
Elisabeth Scholander Family Law Attorney and Mediator, Specialized in Conflict Resolution for Families
7 August 2024
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