For daily life with children to run smoothly, effective communication and cooperative parenting are essential. However, in adult relationships, one or both parties sometimes cross the line of what is acceptable. This can happen occasionally or be a recurring issue. How do you distinguish between mere disagreements and actual insults? When does it become destructive? The article "Insults Between Parents" provides answers.
Old destructive patterns often carry over into the new parenting relationship after separation. Sometimes, one parent consistently targets the other, while in other cases, both parents overstep boundaries. Regardless of why insults occur, they affect more than just the targeted parent—they also impact the children.
Insults between parents are extremely distressing for children. It's painful for them to see and hear one parent attacking the other. Research shows that attacks on a co-parent can have the same effect on children as if the parent were directly targeting the child. This is comparable to children witnessing physical violence between parents, which became a criminal offense in 2021.
Children are also deeply affected even if they are not present during the insults. The targeted parent loses energy, joy, and focus on the child, who ends up feeling neglected. The parents' ability to cooperate on parenting deteriorates, which inevitably impacts the child sooner or later. It is crucial for the child's well-being that these insults stop.
It can be challenging to stop insults that have been ongoing for a while. Some parents feel guilty about the situation and think they have to "take it" when their co-parent behaves poorly. This could be because the targeted parent chose to leave the relationship or found new love quickly after the separation.
From a human perspective, feelings of anger and despair over being left are understandable. However, this does not give anyone the right to seek revenge by constantly insulting the co-parent. The responsibility lies entirely with the person displaying unacceptable behavior.
It doesn't matter if the insults are verbal or written in texts, emails, or similar forms. It is draining and harmful to be subjected to this treatment, and it must end! How to address it practically can vary depending on the individuals involved and their specific circumstances.
It's important to know that insults can be legally punishable depending on the severity. If the child or you are subjected to threats, violence, or repeated severe insults, you should contact the police and social services immediately for help. It is crucial to act to protect both the children and yourself from the situation. There is good help available!
A behavior can also be inappropriate without being illegal. In a court process regarding custody, residence, or visitation, a parent who insults may eventually be deemed so conflict-driven that cooperation over the child becomes impossible. The court may then grant full custody to the other parent to protect the child from conflicts. In practice, several factors usually contribute to making cooperation impossible, and recurring insults can be one such factor.
Elisabeth Scholander Family Law Attorney and Mediator, Specialized in Conflict Resolution for Families
6 augusti 2024
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