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How to inform others about your separation

It might feel awkward to talk about something like this. At the same time, it can be wise to agree on a message because you have each other’s backs externally (even if you feel betrayed internally. That’s ok.) Below are tips for simple and clear communication that protects your children and yourselves.

How do we communicate?

Send an email to those you want to inform. You can choose your words so that both parties feel comfortable with the message.

Preschool and school

Send an email to the responsible mentor or teacher and let them know that the adults in the family will be separating. Explain what this means for the child in terms of living arrangements and times spent with each parent (outlining a schedule of days and times). Keep the email short and only provide facts. If the child has any special needs at the moment, mention them briefly.

Please do leave both your mobile numbers and email addresses again if the preschool/school has any questions or concerns (if joint custody)

It is essential for the child that both parents are responsible for staying informed about the school/kindergarten from now on. (if joint custody) Having their own login to Schoolsoft and similar sites is extremely important to check every week. Make sure to be visible to the school and be careful to answer if the teacher calls or emails. Otherwise, there is a big risk of falling behind if you are not involved in your child’s schooling. This is especially important if you live in another town.

Inform the children’s all important adults – relatives, friends etc.

It is up to each one of you to decide how much to share and with whom. At the same time, it could be beneficial to agree on a common message for your circle of family and friends. By doing this, you can set the standard together for how others will treat both you and your children in the future. This can be an important source of support for your children.

It’s great to inform about what the children’s daily schedule will look like, and to show that you as a guardian have a plan. It’s best if you can come up with this plan together, but if that’s not possible, work out something on your own. Make it clear to them that you won’t accept any negative talk about the other parent, especially not in front of the children. Gossip always harms kids, so it’s important to not let it happen. If you need to talk about your experiences, choose someone who you trust and who won’t spread the information to other people.

Please don’t send out any information before you have informed the children of your separation or divorce.

Elisabeth Scholander