It’s okay to say that not everything is okay 🥰
It can be tough for children when parents divorce. Other children think it’s good that their parents separate because it brings peace and quiet at home. Here, we’ve gathered some tips and advice for you with parents who are divorcing. Because we know that sometimes parents are more focused on themselves than their children while going through a divorce.
Parents who constantly ask how you’re feeling
Does your parent keep asking how you’re feeling all the time? It might be because the parent feels guilty about the divorce. Some parents genuinely want to know to be able to help. But others ask to ease their own guilt. They hope you’ll say everything is fine so they can feel calmer. You don’t have to pretend everything is fine as a child.
It’s easy to want to comfort your parent by pretending everything is fine. But in the long run, it can hurt you. If you dare, it’s better to be honest. Sometimes, it can even help parents when you tell them how you actually feel. It can help them stop focusing so much on themselves. Instead, they can start understanding that they need to support their child.
When one parent badmouths the other parent
Some parents are angry and accusatory towards each other during a divorce. Some not only argue but also badmouth each other. They might talk to relatives or friends. Some even badmouth the other parent to their children. That kind of talk hurts children. Almost all children love both their parents, and even if you’re angry with one of them, it’s bad if the anger is fueled by the other parent.
In such situations, you need to be brave and tell the parent badmouthing the other. Maybe you simply say, “I don’t want to hear this.” Parents might need to be reminded that they are parents together, and you want them to be that in a good way. It might also be relatives or family friends badmouthing. Then you can ask your parent to tell them to stop. You can also say that you don’t feel like spending time with them as long as they continue. They need to understand that they’re actually making life harder for you as a child by badmouthing your parent.
Parents who are too tired to do anything
For some parents, the divorce drains all their energy. They might be so sad and exhausted that they can barely organize things in their new home. Some people react like this to big changes and strong emotions. As a child, it’s easy to get scared and think your parent has lost their spark forever. But for most adults, this is just a period because it takes a little time for them to settle into their new lives. Still, it can be scary. You might feel like you need to be a bit extra cheerful and helpful to cheer them up. When you’re a bit worried yourself, it can be extra hard.
The best thing when parents become so low is to get help from another adult. Everything gets easier if someone can come home and help tidy up a bit, make sure there’s some conversation at the dinner table, or help with what the parent can’t handle. Sometimes it’s hard to ask for such help because it feels like you’re snitching on your parent. It’s common to feel that way, but it’s good if you still find someone to talk to. It usually makes the parent feel better too. At the same time, it’s good for you. If you tell how things are at home, and the adult you tell doesn’t understand or respond the way you hoped as a child, you can talk to another adult. In school, there’s often help available from a mentor or counselor who can help you get in touch with a parent who’s a bit preoccupied with themselves.
Parents who argue
It’s common for parents to argue, both before they divorce and during the divorce itself. It often becomes calmer when they’ve moved apart and gotten into their new routines. But some keep arguing. Such arguments always hurt children. Everyone gets stressed by arguments, but children get especially stressed when parents argue. If they don’t agree, they must learn to accept it.
Of course, it’s good if you dare to tell your parents to stop arguing. But it can also work to talk to another adult who can tell them. It’s not snitching; on the contrary, it’s your right. The most important thing in a family is actually that the children are well, and parents have an obligation to arrange a good life for their children.
We hope that you as a child find the text above ‘It’s okay to say that not everything is okay’ helpful! If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at hello@varannanvecka.app. ❤️
