Check in with yourself
When turbulence hits while we’re flying, we all know to put on our own oxygen masks first before helping others. The same goes for us parents when things get tough in the family. We must take care of ourselves, in the big and small ways, so that we can be there for our children when they need us most.
How am I doing?
Check in with yourself every now and then and take stock of how you’re feeling. You don’t need to stay in a difficult emotion for too long, but it’s good to know where you’re at.
It’s common to experience a lot of shifting emotions during a separation, whether it’s a desired break up or not. Some people process a lot of the break up before the actual separation while others stand helplessly in the face of a decision that’s been made. It’s important to remember that it takes time and that grief is not linear.
Do I need to talk to someone?
This is one of our most important tips, dare to talk about your experiences with someone you trust. Call a good friend or book an appointment with a therapist who can give you extra support for a while. It doesn’t need to be for very long.
What do I need to feel better?
Think about your daily life as it is right now. Make a mini-plan of how you will take care of yourself. Add kind routines that make you feel good, preferably every day.
– How should I live? What do I need to feel okay where I live? New sheets, scented candles, nightlight?
– What should I eat? Tip: The cookbook “every other week” by Johanna Westman, with recipes for both the children’s week and your own week
– How should my exercise look like? Super tip! If you don’t exercise, start now. – Do I need some relief at work? Go down in time? Do I need to change jobs? Go up in time due to the economy?
If you were your own best friend – what advise would you give yourself right now?
It may sound like a silly question, but it is important: we are often much better at taking care of and being kind to others than ourselves. Give yourself time, self care and space to process what has happened. It will get better and calmer for after the separation.