The most common challenges after separation
Utmaningarna är många när man separerar. Vi vet! Det är svårt att hålla sams med den man separerat ifrån. Det kan kännas som en berg-och-dalbana med skarpa svängar. Det är då det är extra viktigt att ha en stabil grund att vila mot.
Hur stabil är er grund? Vilka triggers ska ni vara uppmärksamma på?
A coperanting team is affected by…
- How close you have been
- What trust you have for each other
- Your different relationships with your children (i e mommyness or daddiness)
- How equal you have been in upbringing and finances
- If one of you have been very dominant or equally “strong”
- The level of mutuality i the decision to separate
- The consensus of your values
- The respect you have for each other
- How you value the importance of cooperation
What makes it easy for you and what challenges do you have?
Think about what feels comfortable between you and your coparent based on the points above. For example, are you secure in your respective relationships with your child? Do you both show respect for each other? Do you have relatively similar core values? If you can answer yes to these questions, you likely have a solid foundation to stand on and can focus on finding good ways to communicate.
Aim for stability (and som business-like contact)
Routines and clear communication channels reduce the risk of emotional fluctuations. To keep the child at the center of attention, we recommend that the contact in the parent team should be neutral, correct, and pleasant!
Neutral: Your shared parenting will be predictable and secure for your child.
Correct: Parenting is built on mutual respect, so your child doesn’t have to go through emotionally draining scenes or feelings.
Pleasant: Having a pleasant attitude will increase both yours and your shared parenting-family’s satisfaction, especially the children’s.
Having regular conversations about your children’s wellbeing, routines, and activities can help reduce the risk of conflict and misunderstandings. Love relationships can be wild, vibrant, and fun, but parenting relationships need structure. The Varannan Vecka app provides the tools and support you need to create stability and predictability for your parenting team and your children.
Warning for conflict triggers….
- Communication between you two is not being handled in a professional manner and your discussions about your previous relationship are getting out of hand: Try to keep a civil tone and instead of shouting and crying, talk to your friends or family when the kids are not around.
- Good-hearted friends and relatives who want to take your side and support you trigger emotions: If you tell them that you understand their concern but that you need to work on building a parental team, they will better understand what kind of support you need.
- Your coparent meets a new love: Oh, that’s tough and strange. Keep the communication about the kids on a business-like level and catch up with your best friend when you don’t have the kids. Remember to never badmouth the other parent when the kids are around or where they can hear.
You share the love for your children for life
The foundation of co-parenting is that you both love your child and want to be engaged in their life. Even more importantly, your child needs and loves both of you. Just like any other relationship, your parenting relationship will have highs and lows and will change over time. Overall agreements such as living arrangements, financial arrangements, and a structure for how you communicate will create stability and predictability for your child and yourselves.
In the Varannan Vecka-app, you can set up the structure that you need to build your team. We are here to help you if you get stuck, and guide you to the next step to make it as good as possible for your child. And don’t forget to say something kind about your child’s other parent in front of your child – it will warm their hearts tremendously, even if they don’t show it!