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What you need to know when separating with children-checklist

When there is a lot happening life might feel insecure, it can be extra important for children to hear “there is a plan”. We have collected questions for parents to think about before and during the separation to make a plan for the coming weeks and months.

Whether or not you can cooperate to make a plan for the children or you are on your own with the child, having a plan shows that you are there for the child and that they don’t need to take responsibility for what is happening. That is the job of adults.

Summary ‘What you need to know when separating with children-checklist…’ below

Questions to consider

Questions to consider and agree on for the coming weeks and months may be:

  • Where will we adults live?
  • Where/how will the child live? Build the child’s custody schedule in the app from the beginning for good control. Read more about living in two homes and check out different types of schedules in the Exchange Planner for inspiration.
  • How do we want to communicate with each other? Via the VarannanVecka-chat, telephone calls or email? And about what, preferably only things related to the child if there has been conflict before.
  • Who picks up and drops off at preschool/school/activities?
  • How do we manage the child’s clothes and equipment? Double set or a backpack/bag back and forth? Read more here
  • How do we manage the economy concerning our child?
  • How do we solve vabb? Taking turns every other day or weekly?
  • How and when do we tell the children about our separation? Read more
  • When/how do we tell outsiders (preschool/school, friends, extended family) about our separation?
    Please write a joint email that both of you approve of that can be sent to the school/preschool and to outsiders. Note! Prepare this but don’t send it to anyone until you’ve talked to the child and a few days have passed so the child has had time to process what is going to happen. For email templates, see the links below.

It’s okay to not have all the answers. It’s okay to answer as best you can based on what you know right now. You can say something like, “I don’t know how it will be in detail, but I / we adults will take care of it. You don’t need to worry about it. When I know more, I / we will tell you.”

Summary – What you need to know…-checklist

  • Children feel more secure when parents talk to each other and can give a rough idea what will happen in the upcoming weeks or months.
  • Make a plan and cover topics like living arrangements, pree-school/school/friends/activities for the child ad the child’s economy.
  • It is okay to not have all the answers. You can say to your child that you as parents will arrange everything and the child does not have to take responsibility. When you know more how things will be you will talk about that together.

Do you have questions or want help?

Please send us an email: and we will get back to you.

Read more…

First aid At Varannan Vecka!

Elisabeth Scholander