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When life is tough, it is especially important that we parents can pull together, amidst all the hardships, and give our children hope. When we convey hope, we show the children that we are taking responsibility and not leaving them alone.

A summary of this article below.


Find a way forward

As parents, we need to find a way through the crisis that a divorce can bring. We must allow ourselves to process our grief so that it does not remain an unhealed wound within us. At the same time, we must stay together so that we can manage our parenting and solve all the practicalities that come with the separation. Our space to grieve is not limitless, for as a parent one has an all-too-important life task – and it cannot be put on hold. We need to give our children hope that things will get better.

When we focus on our children

It’s amazing that most of us manage this balancing act! As a child psychologist, I have met parents who, amid a heap of infidelity, threats and betrayal, come together and make agreements on how to take care of their children. Many say that it is the children who keep them going. Their needs awaken our drive to survive. In psychological terms, this driving force is called resilience or resistance, that is, the ability to endure in difficult situations. For the sake of the children, we need to get up in the morning and cook dinner in the evening. For their sake, we need to fight to find hope within us. That we convey hope, that we can overcome the difficulties together, is important for them. Our children need to feel that we as parents are capable of seeing how they are doing.

Summary

  • Children are often what keep us going during a crisis when going through a separation.
  • They need to feel like we parents are still there and capable of understanding how they are doing.
  • By showing our children a way forward, we can also help them build resilience in difficult situations.
  • Consider how you show care in your family – perhaps there are more ways that you and your child enjoy?

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